Finally

He finally “got it”. Mr Man has been suffering from high levels of anxiety for so long and his CPN just kept telling us “It’s normal to suffer a certain amount of anxiety” and “Just keep doing it (whatever was causing the anxiety) and it will get easier”. Well, a few weeks ago we were getting ready to go to a friends’ house for dinner and Mr Man started throwing up due to his anxiety. And now Mark finally gets it. He finally understands what we mean when we tell him that what Mr Man suffers from is not a “normal” level of anxiety. He finally agreed to speak to Mr Man’s Psychiatrist about possibly changing his Diazepam to something else. Finally. But did it really have to come to this?

Generally speaking, Mark seemed much more human than usual during his last visit. I usually find it difficult to take him seriously for two reasons: one is that he looks like he ought to be a group member from The Village People; and two is that it’s difficult to take someone seriously when you feel like they haven’t got a clue. But this time, instead of handing out useless pieces of advice like colour swatches at a “blind” convention, he actually asked questions, and more importantly, he listened to and accepted what we had to say regarding Mr Mans anxiety. Finally.

After explaining how upset we were about the cutbacks at the respite home, he addressed the issue of my carers assessment and asked me: “Is this why you want a carers assessment? Are you hoping that once your needs are recognised they will be met?” I agreed that this was the case and he simply replied with “They won’t be. The services just aren’t available”. He then went on to explain how they are expecting many more thousands of pounds to be taken away from these services, and job losses too. No wonder he didn’t seem so cocky that day. “I feel a letter of complaint coming on” I said*, “Please do” he replied. I actually felt like we were on the same side for once. Finally.

Before he left, Mark still felt the need to advise Mr Man not to let his recent experience make him give up trying to go out, which Mr Man rather resented. He obviously still doesn’t appreciate how hard Mr Man tries to fight these feelings. Every week he forces himself to go out to play Table Tennis, and he physically shakes so much that even the other team members have started to comment on it. But he still goes, week after week. I’m very proud of him.

Maybe one day Mark will be too. Finally.



*This was nearly 3 weeks ago but as mentioned in my previous post I have been avoiding writing this letter until now.